Would This Be a Deal Breaker for You?
There’s an issue that didn’t bother me at first, but it’s starting to concern me as marriage discussions become more serious.
I’ve been dating a man for a while now. He is a good person, hardworking and we vibe so well.
The thing is, he still lives in his parents’ house. To be fair, he has his own apartment within the compound, so he’s not sharing a room or anything like that. He’s also the last born and all his older siblings have moved out, so he’s the only child still living there.
At the beginning of our relationship, this wasn’t an issue for me because he made it clear that once we got married, we would get our own place and start our lives independently. I was comfortable with that arrangement.
However, recently, he has started changing his position. Now he says there’s no need to move out immediately after marriage and that we can stay there for some time before deciding what to do, in order to save money.
What is making me uncomfortable is that he is still very dependent on his parents despite being a grown man with a stable job( He is 32 years old).
His mother cooks soups for him every week, his father gives him fuel money regularly, and generally a lot of his daily needs are still supported by his parents.
I’m beginning to wonder if this is less about saving money and more about being unwilling to leave the comfort of being taken care of.
My concern is not really the house itself. Many people live in family compounds for valid reasons. My concern is whether someone who is still this dependent on his parents is truly ready to build an independent family unit with a wife.
Meanwhile if his parents are still invested in him like this, by the time we get married and I move in, won’t they be interfering in our lives ?
Am I overthinking this, or is this something I should take seriously before marriage?
Ladies, would you be comfortable marrying into this situation? And men, is this normal or does it suggest a deeper issue with independence?
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